So, 2014 was kind of a rough year for me. I think that goes for some others as well, so I think I can say with confidence that 2015 should be better than 2014 was. Hopefully.
I graduated from chemical engineering this past June, which means that the 6 months leading up to that fateful day were absolutely jam-packed full of stress. I had at least three group projects of varying degrees of complexity to deal with at a time, which of course also means I had a whole pile of different personalities to deal with. I had always thought of myself as someone who was easy to get along with, but that turns out is not exactly the case. I like to be in charge, as in turns out, as much as I may protest to the contrary. Giving up control is hard for me, and can make me either passive-aggressive (best-case scenario) or openly hostile (this actually happened towards the end of the bigger of the three group projects -- everyone's been there. I think).
After some reflection, I realize that I could have saved myself (and my group) a lot of heartache by communicating more and more effectively. This is the best lesson I think I ever learned from 4 years of engineering education. You cannot control people. They are their own people with their own thoughts and feelings. If you need something, tell them. That way, when they need something they'll feel like they're able to come to you for help.
So, after graduation, I had one of longest panic episodes of my life - maybe a whole week? I don't remember. I was terribly stressed about finding a job, feeling pressured by my family to work (even though I know now that there really was none - I just don't like being dependent), and feeling pretty worthless because most of my class was already working - or so I thought at the time.
In response to said panic episode, I took a job in northern Labrador for a mining company. It was a summer student position, and at the time I was happy to be able to make money (I was also happy to be able to be closer to my then-boyfriend. More on that later). It wasn't a great job, and I was strung along for over a month and a half waiting for a start date and I was terribly under-utilized but I met some great people. This past summer was probably one of the best ones I've had, at least in recent memory. However, the hours were shit, the isolation was draining and so was the travelling. I was offered the chance to stay on longer but I very politely declined due to my concerns over my mental health - I had more panic attacks during the time I worked there than I had all year.
Now I'm back in my hometown, living with my parents. This is both awesome and awful. I will not deny that the quality of the food is far superior to my life as a student, and that not having to pay for my own food or utilities while I'm not working is amazing. That said, I feel like I have no opportunity to have a social life while I'm here. I'm not really that close to many people from high school, and most of them have either moved to the city or are in their final year of university and thus too busy to hang out. I'm tutoring high school kids, but that's not exactly a steady-paying gig nor very intellectually stimulating.
Career-wise, I have no idea what I want to do. Oil is faltering at the moment, and I'm considered a flight risk in Alberta while I'm living in Ontario. Mining has turned out not to be my cup of tea (too environmentally damaging for me to want to be a part of). I'm not particularly interested in manufacturing, but that's essentially what my career has trained me for.
And yes, I do realize that I am in the incredibly privileged position of a highly educated person feeling unsure of their next step because they have essentially the whole world at their feet, but acknowledging this privilege does nothing to alleviate the stress of the indecision that I am now facing. I know that I want to be of help and of use to the world in some way, but the question is: what?
