Student Government Is Complete Bullshit

So, if you know me (and thus far most people that read this blog do), you know that I am completely and vehemently opposed to participating in engineering-related extracurriculars. This is mostly because I want to get away from people that think exactly like me during my down time.

It shouldn't come as a surprise then that I am usually blissfully unaware of what my student government is doing. Today, however, I was reminded of their slightly annoying existence by a survey intended to gauge interest in this year's Chemical Engineering Chemistry themed clothing. I don't usually buy into any of these things (what can I say, I'm not a joiner) but I did today for some reason.

All the designs are horrendous. There is not a single item of clothing that they have designed that I would even consider putting on my body. Some of the designs could work if they weren't so fucking fixated on their chosen colour scheme (seriously, who does black writing on black fabric. Idiots.) and putting them on sweaters. Because I'm made of money and can afford your shitty over-priced clothing with ugly designs that I had no input in, or even the opportunity to give it.

My whole problem with student government, essentially, boils down to this: it's one big clique. If you didn't get involved in first or second year, none of the members that did will give a shit about your opinion. Even with this survey, I highly doubt anyone on that committee will modify their designs given our opinions. They don't care, they'll do whatever they want instead of what the majority of the class wants.

Yes, I realize that I could have gotten involved with this whole shebang earlier if I wanted to be a part of their decision making processes. Yes, I could let my class rep or whatever know that I want things to be done differently within their organization. Ultimately though, I don't really give a shit what happens. It's just incredibly stupid, in my mind, that they completely designed this faculty clothing without consulting us first. Or even asking us what kind of colour scheme we thought would be appropriate!

Whatever, they'll do whatever they want in their little hive minds. I'm not going to buy a Chem Eng sweater this year, just as I have never bought a Chem Eng related item before. I'll just go back to my student government free bubble, where everyone is happy and doesn't wear ugly black on black crew neck sweaters.

Jesse Charger's "Soul Mates Formula" -- A Seriously Damaging Idea

I was browsing through my newsfeed today and I found something that I believe to be incredibly damaging to the psyche of any person stupid enough to go through with it.

Jesse Charger, a seemingly unethical and extremely conservative business man, has come up with a way to make women "be and do whatever you want." Basically the premise of this bullshit is to teach men with "no game" how to successfully pick up women and trick them into falling in love with them. 

These women are supposed to look a certain way, act a certain way, have sex with their partners a certain way and I hated every single second I spent reading it. For some reason I needed to read the whole damned sales pitch, but it was scary stuff.

I noticed a lot of talk about how normal women can be molded into a man's perfect mate -- she would be subservient sexually (as I noticed that there was little to no mention of indulging in her sexual fantasies, just those of the man), she wouldn't cause "drama" which I'm guessing means she doesn't have any of her own opinions on anything, and basically is just a hot housewife that is meant to carry on your genes for you.

UGH WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO ME/US

If this guide was more geared towards how to make yourself a better partner in a relationship, I wouldn't be as disgusted. I could even understand and sympathize with that. Relationships are hard, as we all know, and some people just aren't good at them. I can understand wanting to understand what it is that other people are looking for in a good partner, and wanting to emphasize those qualities or improve something in yourself to make that happen.

I hate how this asshole believes (or rather implies) that there's something wrong with the woman if a man is shot down in a social situation. In order for men to not get shot down by women, they have to trick women into finding them attractive or interesting or basically just not horrible human beings. He even seemed rather proud of the fact that this bullshit pseudo-science laden "guide" was helping old men attract university-aged women.

Dude also spends a lot of time talking about women as sexual objects, which I'm sure I don't need to tell you, but I have a HUGE problem with this. The whole "give her multiple orgasms so she doesn't cheat on you" deal is not a flattering position to hold on women. I can tell you from experience that that particular tactic doesn't do shit if the partner is a total asshat.

To sum up because I could keep going forever and we'd never get anywhere and have a decent conversation about the damaging effects this psychopath could have on society at large:

While I don't think that there is anything wrong with learning to date more effectively in order to find a suitable partner, the whole idea of molding someone into becoming your ideal match is a scary one. To me, love shouldn't be about changing someone to become what you want. That just straight up screams oppression to me (and isn't this kind of thinking what feminism has been trying to get rid of for decades?)  and isn't doing anything close to helping form healthy relationships. I think it's very telling that Charger has to put "THIS IS TOTALLY ETHICAL" so people will buy his product in multiple places throughout the sales pitch because it very clearly is not.

Teaching people to be better human beings capable of loving someone else and being loved, instead of having to trick people into loving you would be a better use of time and effort. I seriously hope that the testimonials on the webpage were made up because the alternative is far too frightening.

If you want to check out this psychopath's (aka Jesse Charger's) website/sales pitch, here it is: http://www.seductionscience.com/soulmates/

My Problem with Societal Expectations of Marriage

I'm gonna be totally honest here, I don't particularly care if I ever meet someone special and get married to them, have kids, etc etc. It would be nice I suppose if the opportunity ever arose, but at the moment I'm not particularly bothered either way. (Although given my dating history I want to stay single at least for a little while to kind of get to know myself and what I'm looking for a little better.)

I shared this on an iPhone app last night, and I was told that something was straight up wrong with me.

I am not okay with this.

This dude also told me that I was unlikely to ever enter into a relationship with a dude where we would be equals because, according to this nutbag, "guys don't like that." Apparently, men want girls who will "cuddle up to them and be small so we can be protective." 

I am also not okay with this.

The real thing that I have a problem with is that this guy told me that no man will want to be in an equal-partners relationship because "he'll be scared you'll up and leave one day because you don't actually need him."

I'm sorry, but isn't that a risk that everyone takes in relationships? A romantic relationship is inherently a risk -- the pair of you don't actually need each other to survive. It's just a bit nicer if you have someone by your side. You will not actually die without that person (although you might be lonely or sad or whatever).

Here's my thing: I don't ever want to be in a relationship where I feel like I'm less without that person. Right now, I'm perfectly happy and capable on my own. If I was to enter into an equal-partnership, it would be because being with that person makes my life a little brighter, more light-hearted as I do have a tendency to get pretty down on myself sometimes.

Another thing I don't understand: why are little girls taught to dream of their wedding day? Why is there an expectation that to get married is the best thing that could ever happen to you? I mean. I've never been married, and I'm sure it's great if my parents' relationship is any indication, but I don't like the idea that my (possible) wedding day will be the be-all-end-all best day of my life. I have other dreams that I want to pursue. 

I should probably mention that at a family function, just after I had been accepted to my dream university, several of my relatives told me to make sure that I got my M.R.S degree, if nothing else. Offended doesn't even begin to describe it.

Am I really only valuable to society as someone's wife? Am I not allowed to have achievements that have nothing to do with another person? Jesus Christ, my career is important to me, is that a bad thing all of a sudden?

Marriage is something that may or may not happen for me. I honestly don't care if it ever does. I feel that my life is full enough that I will be equally fulfilled regardless of my marital status, and I hope that everyone else can find this place as well.

***Note: I realize that this is written from a heteronormative perspective. As a cis-gendered straight woman, I have no other perspective to write from. I did my best to use gender-neutral language, but I cannot guarantee its perfection. Let me know and I'll change it.

I Suck at Relationships

I don't think that I would be alone in saying that I am terrible at relationships. As a twenty-something, I'm not sure that this is all that unusual. What is unusual (I think anyway) is that I still can't seem to figure it out, despite having a fair amount of "learning experiences." I feel like I'm going to need to break it down for y'all, so I may as well.

My very first boyfriend was someone I met on the school bus at the beginning of high school. He liked me way more than I liked him, which is probably the first indication of how all of this turned out in the end. I was pretty terrible to him (to be fair though, it was my first relationship). I wasn't exactly sure that I wanted a relationship at that time, or that I was even ready for one, but stupid me goes full steam ahead anyway. I broke up with him in a blog post. I hadn't intended to, of course, but my quoting lyrics of a song made everything a little mixed up and crazy and that was the end of that. I found out much later that he was not necessarily strictly interested in girls, which I think is pretty cool. The major lesson here: be honest with what you need and want out of a relationship, especially if it turns out that you aren't really all that into it.

My next relationship happened in first year university. Again, he liked me a lot more than I ended up liking him. He kinda broke me down in the end; I liked that someone liked me. My self-esteem was in the toilet in those days, so any bit of affection was like the Holy Grail at that point. Before we ended up getting together, we signed a lease to live together the following year (I don't even need to tell you how big of a mistake that was). We ended up breaking up over the summer (he wanted things from me that I wasn't prepared to give -- mainly to go out and spend time with him alone at his parents' farm) but got back together when school started up again. That didn't go too well either -- I'm pretty sure he cheated on me (not that I can verify this claim) because my self-esteem was still in the toilet. Swarovski crystals will never look the same to me ever again. The major lesson here: don't rush into things.

My last relationship to date just ended a couple of weeks ago. This was a guy I had met purely by chance, and by all indications he was a sweet and fun guy. He was in the army (suuuuuuuuuuuuuper fit, I'm not even going to lie) and had no real intention of ever doing anything else with his life. He blew me off a lot and wanted me to change things about myself that I was totally not comfortable with. Get to know me a bit better and maybe I'll tell you what he wanted me to change. In any case, this dude had serious amount of emotional baggage, my best friends and family didn't like him, and he had no control over the place that he would end up living. This relationship was like trying to get blood from a stone -- there was never a snow ball's chance in hell of it working out between us. The major lesson: don't go forcing something if it's just not right.

If anyone has figured out the formula for happy relationships, can you please show it to me? This is one equation that I'm having major difficulties solving.

Welcome to the Sober Engineer Blogs!

Hello there, my name's Kristin. I'm an engineering student that really hates drinking and the awkward university culture-driven pressure that goes with it. I do have a YouTube channel, which you can check out if you're bored I suppose (actually please do, I'd like that very much).

My intention, with my YouTube channel and this blog alike, is to try and address the idea that not liking to drink doesn't mean you don't know how to have fun. Basically, I just want to talk about the various mishaps and misadventures that happen in my life, and all without the assistance of alcohol.

I'll probably blog about the things that I don't feel like talking about on camera (which is still a very strange experience for me, I'm not going to lie) and things that don't necessarily fall into the theme of the YouTube channel. There is a theme there, I promise!

Thanks for coming along with me on this crazy ride. Hopefully we'll all learn something about ourselves and life along the way!


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My channel, if you want to check it out, can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/user/cremeXfraiche/videos