I'm gonna be totally honest here, I don't particularly care if I ever meet someone special and get married to them, have kids, etc etc. It would be nice I suppose if the opportunity ever arose, but at the moment I'm not particularly bothered either way. (Although given my dating history I want to stay single at least for a little while to kind of get to know myself and what I'm looking for a little better.)
I shared this on an iPhone app last night, and I was told that something was straight up wrong with me.
I am not okay with this.
This dude also told me that I was unlikely to ever enter into a relationship with a dude where we would be equals because, according to this nutbag, "guys don't like that." Apparently, men want girls who will "cuddle up to them and be small so we can be protective."
I am also not okay with this.
The real thing that I have a problem with is that this guy told me that no man will want to be in an equal-partners relationship because "he'll be scared you'll up and leave one day because you don't actually need him."
I'm sorry, but isn't that a risk that everyone takes in relationships? A romantic relationship is inherently a risk -- the pair of you don't actually need each other to survive. It's just a bit nicer if you have someone by your side. You will not actually die without that person (although you might be lonely or sad or whatever).
Here's my thing: I don't ever want to be in a relationship where I feel like I'm less without that person. Right now, I'm perfectly happy and capable on my own. If I was to enter into an equal-partnership, it would be because being with that person makes my life a little brighter, more light-hearted as I do have a tendency to get pretty down on myself sometimes.
Another thing I don't understand: why are little girls taught to dream of their wedding day? Why is there an expectation that to get married is the best thing that could ever happen to you? I mean. I've never been married, and I'm sure it's great if my parents' relationship is any indication, but I don't like the idea that my (possible) wedding day will be the be-all-end-all best day of my life. I have other dreams that I want to pursue.
I should probably mention that at a family function, just after I had been accepted to my dream university, several of my relatives told me to make sure that I got my M.R.S degree, if nothing else. Offended doesn't even begin to describe it.
Am I really only valuable to society as someone's wife? Am I not allowed to have achievements that have nothing to do with another person? Jesus Christ, my career is important to me, is that a bad thing all of a sudden?
Marriage is something that may or may not happen for me. I honestly don't care if it ever does. I feel that my life is full enough that I will be equally fulfilled regardless of my marital status, and I hope that everyone else can find this place as well.
***Note: I realize that this is written from a heteronormative perspective. As a cis-gendered straight woman, I have no other perspective to write from. I did my best to use gender-neutral language, but I cannot guarantee its perfection. Let me know and I'll change it.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Sunday, 28 July 2013
I Suck at Relationships
I don't think that I would be alone in saying that I am terrible at relationships. As a twenty-something, I'm not sure that this is all that unusual. What is unusual (I think anyway) is that I still can't seem to figure it out, despite having a fair amount of "learning experiences." I feel like I'm going to need to break it down for y'all, so I may as well.
My very first boyfriend was someone I met on the school bus at the beginning of high school. He liked me way more than I liked him, which is probably the first indication of how all of this turned out in the end. I was pretty terrible to him (to be fair though, it was my first relationship). I wasn't exactly sure that I wanted a relationship at that time, or that I was even ready for one, but stupid me goes full steam ahead anyway. I broke up with him in a blog post. I hadn't intended to, of course, but my quoting lyrics of a song made everything a little mixed up and crazy and that was the end of that. I found out much later that he was not necessarily strictly interested in girls, which I think is pretty cool. The major lesson here: be honest with what you need and want out of a relationship, especially if it turns out that you aren't really all that into it.
My next relationship happened in first year university. Again, he liked me a lot more than I ended up liking him. He kinda broke me down in the end; I liked that someone liked me. My self-esteem was in the toilet in those days, so any bit of affection was like the Holy Grail at that point. Before we ended up getting together, we signed a lease to live together the following year (I don't even need to tell you how big of a mistake that was). We ended up breaking up over the summer (he wanted things from me that I wasn't prepared to give -- mainly to go out and spend time with him alone at his parents' farm) but got back together when school started up again. That didn't go too well either -- I'm pretty sure he cheated on me (not that I can verify this claim) because my self-esteem was still in the toilet. Swarovski crystals will never look the same to me ever again. The major lesson here: don't rush into things.
My last relationship to date just ended a couple of weeks ago. This was a guy I had met purely by chance, and by all indications he was a sweet and fun guy. He was in the army (suuuuuuuuuuuuuper fit, I'm not even going to lie) and had no real intention of ever doing anything else with his life. He blew me off a lot and wanted me to change things about myself that I was totally not comfortable with. Get to know me a bit better and maybe I'll tell you what he wanted me to change. In any case, this dude had serious amount of emotional baggage, my best friends and family didn't like him, and he had no control over the place that he would end up living. This relationship was like trying to get blood from a stone -- there was never a snow ball's chance in hell of it working out between us. The major lesson: don't go forcing something if it's just not right.
If anyone has figured out the formula for happy relationships, can you please show it to me? This is one equation that I'm having major difficulties solving.
My very first boyfriend was someone I met on the school bus at the beginning of high school. He liked me way more than I liked him, which is probably the first indication of how all of this turned out in the end. I was pretty terrible to him (to be fair though, it was my first relationship). I wasn't exactly sure that I wanted a relationship at that time, or that I was even ready for one, but stupid me goes full steam ahead anyway. I broke up with him in a blog post. I hadn't intended to, of course, but my quoting lyrics of a song made everything a little mixed up and crazy and that was the end of that. I found out much later that he was not necessarily strictly interested in girls, which I think is pretty cool. The major lesson here: be honest with what you need and want out of a relationship, especially if it turns out that you aren't really all that into it.
My next relationship happened in first year university. Again, he liked me a lot more than I ended up liking him. He kinda broke me down in the end; I liked that someone liked me. My self-esteem was in the toilet in those days, so any bit of affection was like the Holy Grail at that point. Before we ended up getting together, we signed a lease to live together the following year (I don't even need to tell you how big of a mistake that was). We ended up breaking up over the summer (he wanted things from me that I wasn't prepared to give -- mainly to go out and spend time with him alone at his parents' farm) but got back together when school started up again. That didn't go too well either -- I'm pretty sure he cheated on me (not that I can verify this claim) because my self-esteem was still in the toilet. Swarovski crystals will never look the same to me ever again. The major lesson here: don't rush into things.
My last relationship to date just ended a couple of weeks ago. This was a guy I had met purely by chance, and by all indications he was a sweet and fun guy. He was in the army (suuuuuuuuuuuuuper fit, I'm not even going to lie) and had no real intention of ever doing anything else with his life. He blew me off a lot and wanted me to change things about myself that I was totally not comfortable with. Get to know me a bit better and maybe I'll tell you what he wanted me to change. In any case, this dude had serious amount of emotional baggage, my best friends and family didn't like him, and he had no control over the place that he would end up living. This relationship was like trying to get blood from a stone -- there was never a snow ball's chance in hell of it working out between us. The major lesson: don't go forcing something if it's just not right.
If anyone has figured out the formula for happy relationships, can you please show it to me? This is one equation that I'm having major difficulties solving.
Welcome to the Sober Engineer Blogs!
Hello there, my name's Kristin. I'm an engineering student that really hates drinking and the awkward university culture-driven pressure that goes with it. I do have a YouTube channel, which you can check out if you're bored I suppose (actually please do, I'd like that very much).
My intention, with my YouTube channel and this blog alike, is to try and address the idea that not liking to drink doesn't mean you don't know how to have fun. Basically, I just want to talk about the various mishaps and misadventures that happen in my life, and all without the assistance of alcohol.
I'll probably blog about the things that I don't feel like talking about on camera (which is still a very strange experience for me, I'm not going to lie) and things that don't necessarily fall into the theme of the YouTube channel. There is a theme there, I promise!
Thanks for coming along with me on this crazy ride. Hopefully we'll all learn something about ourselves and life along the way!
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My channel, if you want to check it out, can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/user/cremeXfraiche/videos
My intention, with my YouTube channel and this blog alike, is to try and address the idea that not liking to drink doesn't mean you don't know how to have fun. Basically, I just want to talk about the various mishaps and misadventures that happen in my life, and all without the assistance of alcohol.
I'll probably blog about the things that I don't feel like talking about on camera (which is still a very strange experience for me, I'm not going to lie) and things that don't necessarily fall into the theme of the YouTube channel. There is a theme there, I promise!
Thanks for coming along with me on this crazy ride. Hopefully we'll all learn something about ourselves and life along the way!
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My channel, if you want to check it out, can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/user/cremeXfraiche/videos
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